


Comes and Goes

by kyelenia



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:58:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1454548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyelenia/pseuds/kyelenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>This one's for the faithless, the ones that are surprised</i>
  <br/><i>They're only where they are now regardless of their fight</i>
  <br/><i>This one's for believing if only for it's sake</i>
  <br/><i>Come on friends get up now love is to be made</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comes and Goes

It's slow and hard going; it's days spent in bed just breathing together, it's rage fits triggered by the smallest of thing, it's being more intimate that Mickey would ever have thought possible. Some days he has to carry Ian to the bathroom just to get him to take a shower, he has to scrub Ian's skin with a soaped towel, his body so lean and beautiful, still something that Mickey watches and touches with reverence. He has to give him protein beverages because Ian's not able to eat anything, and he promised Fiona he would take care of him. 

After a couple of weeks it becomes appointments at the clinic and pill after pill to try and find the right meds and the right dosage, because even if Mickey hasn't changed his mind about Ian staying with him, he has found himself unable to help Ian like he really needed, his only option admitting that Fiona was right. 

Mickey holds Ian's hand when he doesn't want to be alone during a visit, and waits for him outside of his doctor's office when Ian asks to be left alone, when he feels strong enough to do things on his own, and needs that independence to remember himself that he's not broken and unable to function. 

It's knives and sharp objects hidden where Ian can't find them without making a shit ton of noise, it's Ian shaving only when Mickey is next to him and Mickey never quivering on this point, because no matter how much Ian complains and screams, Mickey is not afraid of a small – or a huge – fight, not when there's Ian safety, his life, at stake. 

Sometimes it's sleeping on the two opposite sides of the bed, because even if it kills Mickey seeing his boyfriend miserable without being able to help him, Ian sometimes can't stand the touch, sometimes he needs to be alone, he needs to let himself feel and live the pain, without repressing it and letting it grow bigger and bigger, until the bad thoughts could almost swallow him whole.

It's painful and the most difficult thing Mickey has done in his life, it almost makes him laugh thinking about how scared he was of his father because really, Terry is nothing but a pale ghost opposite to the demons against whom he and Ian are fighting. But it's worth it for every single time he gets to see Ian smile again, hears him laugh, and he can't believe how lucky he ended up being.

There are date nights, the two of them going out together, and having dinner in the fanciest place they can afford; these times he feels like an ordinary boy in love with the most amazing person he's ever met; he gets to stroll down a street hand in hand with Ian, without a care in the world, and the sudden rush of happiness overwhelms him, even more so now that he's learned in the most difficult way what the worst really means. 

The first months are long and strenuous; it takes Ian a lot of time to adjust to his medication, while his family – both his families – works together to create a safe environment, and a stable and functional system of support, the one their parents weren't able to provide for them. They know medical help can do just so much, can help stabilize Ian's mood and prevent his episodes from getting out of hand, but at the end it's not enough to guarantee Ian a normal life; when it comes to the everyday stuff they are the ones who can mark the difference between Monica's path, and things getting, and staying, better. They work hard to keep Frank as far from Ian as possible, to avoid giving him reasons to feel stressed or upset; setbacks and bad days are inevitable, they're kind of part of the deal, but life in the south side of Chicago is usually madness, and their usual way of living is something they can't keep up if they don't want Ian to take a dangerous path of alcoholism and drug addictions. 

Mickey stops drinking in front of Ian, knowing alcohol messes with his meds, and not wanting to tempt him with his habit of drinking beer at any time of the day. When they go out, they treat themselves with some shitty fruity alcohol-free drink, which Mickey finds kind of pointless, but he would do anything to protect Ian and take care of him, so limiting his alcohol consumption to the Alibi is really the least he could do.

On Ian's first day back at school Mickey wakes up early to make him breakfast; if someone had told him a couple of years ago he'd bring breakfast in bad to his teenaged male lover, he would've punched them in the face, but now, watching Ian's beautiful face, his smile when Mickey wakes him up with a kiss, he can't feel a single ounce of regret. They eat together in bed, feeding each other playfully and laughing at their own dumbness, then Mickey sends Ian off with a kiss on the mouth and a squeeze of his hand. He can see Ian's anxiety in the tenseness of his shoulder, in the tightness of his mouth, and in the uncertainty of his eyes, but he welcomes every new challenge, and he thinks Ian deeply down does it too.

Their newfound happiness is like waves, it comes and goes fluidly, and sometimes he can't stop things from crashing; dealing with Ian's illness is different from what he'd thought, when, finding out about it for the first time, he'd been sure taking care of him would be enough. It tests his patience, it challenges his temper, because sometimes Ian is mean and distant without any particular reason, and Mickey has to work really hard to stop himself from starting a petty and stupid fight. But he finds his, their, steadiness in the way they can still go to bad together even after the worst of day, in Ian apology kisses and the entwining of their hands above the kitchen table in the morning. 

When things get really hard he has to do nothing more than thinking about one of those amazing moments, which totally make up for the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the summary come from Greg Laswell's song "Comes and Goes".
> 
> This all thing is a pointless stream of thoughts and fluff, but I needed it more than ever. I'd say that maybe Mickey's thoughts are out of character, but after the last episode what even is too romantic for him?
> 
> English is not my mother tongue, and I don't have a beta because there's no one I have so much confidence with to ask them to beta-read something for me, so if anyone sees any mistake please tell me so I can fix it. I've tried to be as carful as possible, but there still are things I am not sure about.
> 
> Thank you to anyone who reads, leaves kudos, or writes a comment. You make my day ♥


End file.
